So I think it’s fairly safe to say I’m not going to be a Muay Thai fighter anytime soon. My vision of Thailand was to go for 2 months and come back as a tough, badass fighter… turns out it’s harder than you would think.

For one, there is a lot of coordination involved. People compare it a bit to dance because you need to get into the rhythm and constantly move. Well, if you’ve ever seen me dance, it’s not pretty. So basically, you add the movement to all the punches, jabs, and kicks, and I end up looking like a flailing fool.

I feel bad for the Thai coaches in the beginner class because I’m pretty sure the lot of us are terrible. Being as tall as I am, I have a harder time flying under the radar and stand out like a clumsy fool. It’s also become vastly apparent that I can’t figure out my left side from my right side. They yell “right hook”… I throw a left punch. “Right hook!” I throw another left punch. “RIGHT HOOK!” Suddenly, out of nowhere, I do a right kick… WTF leg, I didn’t tell you to do that. At this point, the instructor just gets frustrated and pretty much punches me… well, not pretty much—he actually does.

I did my first one-on-one session yesterday. The instructor said in his broken accent, “Oh yes, I see you in the beginner class… you’re not good… we have lots of work to do… let’s start from the basics.” Stunning observation, my friend. The one-on-one session is good. I learn heaps in the hour, and I definitely think I will be booking more of those if I want to ever accomplish a smooth look on the floor.

Class comes around today, and I feel ever so slightly improved… and then sparring comes. All the girls hop into one of the rings and pair off. Of course, I land the tall Australian chick who has been here three times before and could be in the intermediate class but chooses beginner because she likes to fight the boys. Dammit… I’m not a boy, nor am I anywhere near skilled enough to fight someone at an intermediate level.

The bell rings, and I’m basically protecting my face from this girl slamming punches into my head. But then I start getting punches to the gut, so I have no option but to fight back. Out the window goes any sort of technique I’ve learned, and I just flail away… needless to say, I took many knocks to the head, gut, and ego. I think I actually almost cried. I’m not sure if it was because it hurt or because I was basically standing there as a human punching bag.

So all that being said, I don’t think I will be coming back as a skilled fighter. Even though I got knocked around a bit today, I survived, and it just makes me want to work harder to get better.

No photos to post really; I was too busy getting the snot stomped out of me.